Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Bring me that man meat
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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