UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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