I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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