I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
