he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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