How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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