Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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