remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So squirting runs in the family.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
