I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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