i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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