No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
