His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
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I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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