pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
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I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
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I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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