I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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