I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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