Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
