Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
