I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
