I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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