Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
