I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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