So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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