woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
