I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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