she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
