i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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