I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
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I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
