apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
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All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?