if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.