He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We're too hungover to prance.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
