I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
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I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk