Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
