There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
