There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
