I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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