I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
