I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
