so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
