Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Its about making memories worth repressing
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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