I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
