I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
