No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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