have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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