Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
