I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
