Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
