Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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