Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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