I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
