Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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