I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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