My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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