did you get engaged???
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
