She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My pussy is not your playground.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
