did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
