you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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