Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
