So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
