Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
