Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
not ubering you a puppy
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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