he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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