I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
