Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
