it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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