What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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