Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You left your phone here
Wait...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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