Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
